Everyone has probably experienced a lost love,
the death of a loved one,
a car accident,
an event like the 9/11 earthquake,
finding out they have cancer or HIV and
other sad and catastrophic events.
At first, we may be overwhelmed and hysterical about such an outcome, but after a period of complex psychological changes, will we eventually come through?
Do you find that there is always a similar process whenever you experience such events?
The Five Stages of Grief by Kubler-Ross
Today I would like to share Kübler-Ross’ “The Five Stages of Grief” with you in order to understand the five stages we go through in the process of facing a sad, catastrophic event.
1. Denial and Isolation
Often, when we receive information about a sad, catastrophic event, the first thing we do is deny it and isolate ourselves. This is actually a defense mechanism; we prefer to selectively hide these facts rather than face the hard truths.
- “No way! He just had dinner with me yesterday!?”
- “Don’t be ridiculous, it’s not true.”
- “Oh, my God! This kind of thing can’t happen, can it?”
- “This can’t be happening to me, something must be wrong.”
When we can no longer lie to ourselves and come out of “denial,” the pain hits us so hard that we project our inner frustration onto others, and sometimes onto ourselves. Then we may start blaming others, blaming others, or even getting angry at ourselves.
- “It’s my fault, if I had been with him yesterday, he wouldn’t have killed himself!”
- “Why did it happen to me? God, isn’t it fair?”
- “Why didn’t you reach out and help him! This is all your fault.”
When the “anger” has passed, our thoughts may change a bit to try to make the outcome less bad, and sometimes we pray (bargain) to God that the bad outcome will not come so soon.
- “If I had gone to the doctor sooner, I could have lived a few more years ……”
- “Please let me live until the kids get married and start a family?”
- “If you smoked less, you wouldn’t have to…”
- “I would do anything if he would just wake up.”
At this stage, we realize the loss and the fact that “bargaining” is useless, so the pain strikes again, and this time it hits the heart so firmly that there is no reason to run away. This is the time when we become vulnerable and negative, so be very careful, many of us may choose to end our lives because we can’t get out of it.
- “I won’t live more than a few years anyway, so let’s end it now!”
- “He really left me, and I don’t want to live without him ……”
- “Oh, why should I care about that, I’m going to die anyway…”
At this stage, we become calm and come out of the “depression”, realizing that life is impermanent and we don’t need to trap ourselves in our grief. We learn to let go, rebuild our lives, and prepare to begin a new journey in life.
- “Now that it has happened this way, life must go on!”
- “It will get better! Everything will pass.”
- “Well, since this is an irreversible fact, I will continue to help you walk the rest of the way ……”
The “five stages of grief” vary from person to person, and some people may only go through a few of these stages; others may get stuck in “depression” and even choose to end their lives, never reaching the point of “accepting” the truth. Stages.
By understanding the “five stages of grief,” you can help yourself examine your current state, find ways to cope, and get out of the shadow of grief faster. Sometimes a change of mind, a change of thought, is the key to “acceptance”.
People will always have to deal with loss and grief, and it is impossible to live a smooth life. How strongly one lives depends on how many coping skills one has accumulated and how one solves the problems one encounters. In fact, life is like a series of “problems and solutions”. At every stage, we encounter various problems, big and small. All we have to do is to find solutions to them and get ourselves to the next level.
Five Stages of Grief Infographic Templates